20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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