I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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