it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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