Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
