If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
