Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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