there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
