So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
