I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize