Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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