first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
