New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
