Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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