Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
