and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
