I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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