I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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