cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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