The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
