Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
