Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
