party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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