my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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