it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize