Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
