They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize