today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize