This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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