I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
