Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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