Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
