You can't motorboat a personality
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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