I want to make a zoo with you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
