i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Randomize
