I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need moral support for this bender
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize