Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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