did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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