sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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