the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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