First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
