so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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