Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
