Where did you get a picture of my penis
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
