'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
