I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
