Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
