Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
