what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
