right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
