They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
