I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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