Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
