I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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