I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
