I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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