Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
