Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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