Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
