Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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