Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
