i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
