My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
