I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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