Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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