I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
