Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize