hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
