remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
