he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
