I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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