Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
