I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
